how to not suck at holding people accountable + lisa frank dolphins
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Engineering | Motherhood | Organizational Psychology | Mental Health
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→ 5 reasons you suck at holding people accountable
leadership in male-dominated industries
Trust me, you’re in good company. Holding people accountable is the hardest thing you’ll have to do as a leader, and generally speaking as a human being on planet earth.
WHY? Well, as someone who has had to hold a lot of people accountable in her 8-year manufacturing career, I have thoughts on this. It’s hard to hold people accountable because doing so is the culmination of many uncomfortable tasks: pointing out a flaw or mistake, managing confrontation, and communicating the consequences. Honestly, that’s putting it mildly. There’s also the added complication of differing personalities and communication styles that means you may have to adjust your approach for every single person. Le sigh.
But unfortunately, it’s part of the job. In my professional opinion, you can’t be a good leader without getting good at this. When your employees fall short and you do nothing to correct it, you will lose respect. When you let failures happen with no correction, you will lose trust. When you shy away from tough conversations, you will lose buy-in. When you let other people run the show because you’re not convinced you deserve to, you lose authority.
Have I convinced you yet that this is kind of an important skill to master? Then without further yapping, here are my top 5 reasons why you suck at holding people accountable (and yes, #5 will sting… but some of you need to hear it.)
You wait too long to have the conversation. What happens between the moment you need to have the conversation and 6 months from now when you finally do? Resentment, anger, bitterness - they all build & make things more emotional than they need to be. Your employees deserve for you to level with them the moment they do not meet your expectations.
You don’t know what to focus on. Should I focus on the mistake? The consequences? Should I frame it like a bad-news-sandwich? Should I try to change their feelings or focus on their behavior? WHICH IS IT?! (p.s. always focus on changing behaviors :), not feelings).
You are scared to enforce consequences. No consequences = no behavior change. Period.
You don’t speak with enough authority. AKA you ask too nicely. You frame the whole conversation as if it were a little get-together with an old pal, instead of a proactive feedback session. You’re the boss… remember?
You lack the confidence it takes to have the conversation in the first place. (I would apologize but I did set clear expectations that this one would sting, didn’t I?)
Holding people accountable is hard for everyone. It’s even harder in male-dominated industries where the people you’re having to hold accountable are men your dads’ age. It’s tough… I remember the struggle well.
But like anything else, it’s a skill that you can develop and practice and get good at. What if you didn’t dread those phone calls or meetings? What if you could communicate your expectations effectively and you finally started getting results from your under-performing team members?
It’d probably feels something like this:
If you want to feel like a Lisa Frank Dolphin… keep reading :)
→ t-minus 2 weeks!
climbing higher leadership cohort
In case you missed it, I am hosting an 8-week leadership group coaching cohort starting the week of October 14th.
I designed this program to solve your two biggest struggles in male-dominated industries: being a female leader + doing it all alone.
If you’re curious about this program, I’m offering 30-minute calls to make sure it’s a good fit for you. I’ll never pressure you into buying, but I'd love to get to know you and ensure that this program fits your needs before you hit *purchase*!
p.s. newsletter subscribers get $250 off the group program! :)
→ oh and one more thing
real-life motherhood
I was solo-parenting this past weekend AND taking the toddler on a quick road-trip, which is a combination fraught with disaster. I was trying to get her to take a bath while frantically calling my mother-in-law to pick up our dog (who I forgot to get dogcare for while we left town) while straightening my hair while my brain is going 90MPH trying to remember all the things I needed to throw in the car.
Anyway it was a mess. I told her to get in the tub! Because then we could leave! To go to a party! (none of this worked) And she could have cake! (this did work). As she was getting in the tub, she says, “I don’t need a bath. I don’t have a stinky booty.” First of all, that’s debatable. Second of all, ohhh right I totally forgot she listens + repeats every single thing that comes out of my mouth these days!
Which can be cute (in the confines of our own home) but hello anxiety (when I think that she may be repeating the phrase “stinky booty” at her sweet little Southern Baptist Preschool program). Anywho - it was a good reminder to me that she’s always listening, and I wanted to share that with you.
When we’re kind to ourselves, they’ll be kind to themselves, too. If we talk about how we can’t do something, they’ll believe their abilities are limited also. When we call them strong and confident, she may just say, “No! I’m BRAVE, not strong!” (she doesn’t yet understand the idea of multiplicities.)
Anyway, you’re doing a great job. Like truly… you’re a real kick@$$ mom and I hope you know that.
xx
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See you next week, friend.
& as always,
I’m rooting for you.
xx Hannah